everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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