One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
