The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
