I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
