I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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