Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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