my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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