oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
