Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
