I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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