Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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