You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
