OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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