I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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