Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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