so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
