I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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