Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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