Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
