mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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