My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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