I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
