you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
