I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
