Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
