I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
