Will you blow on my dice?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
