Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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