maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
