and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
