I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
