I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
