I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
