If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
