There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
