one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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