His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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