In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
ok first of all what the fuck
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
