Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
