I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
