I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
