after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
