i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's the barista slut.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
