The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
