brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
