so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ladies don't puke and tell
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
