I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
