she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
