I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
