no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
