the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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