the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
