Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
