My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
