Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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