If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
