I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
