Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
