who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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