i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
