I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
