If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I puked a lego.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
