I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will pee on everything he values.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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