she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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