so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
