Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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